Montessori Baby

Mixed Ages

2009-05-25T06:40:00.002-05:00

This weekend, I understood why Montessori was so keen on mixed age environments. We had visitors from out of town, including kids ages 11, 8, and 6. Our children were so engaged and well cared for the whole weekend I feel like I hardly even saw them. Even 5-month-old Jake got to be in on the action. To boot, the other mom noted that her kids had never seemed so grown up, busy, and happy.

I think I can now understand why my grandmother handled 8 children so well (something I find inconceivable at times): not only could they help to care for each other, but they also lived in a neighborhood teeming with kids. It reminds me that kids are incredibly self-sufficient, if we just put them in the right environment.

Intentional food spills: Too many choices?

2009-04-14T07:48:00.002-05:00

Okay, fellow Montessorians. I understood it when he was 9 months old - dumping his juice on the floor, spilling his cheerios - then, it was an experiment. I guess now it's an experiment, too. It's just that this time, it's not about what happens to the cheerios, it's about my reaction.

This all started on Easter Sunday. Alex, our three year old, "spilled" his cereal on the floor. At first, we thought it was an accident - the byproduct of trying to carry his bowl from the dining room to the living room. But when the second bowl ended up on the same spot on the floor, we knew it wasn't a mistake. Our reaction was pretty dramatic - shock, followed sending Alex for some cooling out time in his room (more for me than him), followed by clean-up together that was not quite as matter-of-fact as we might have liked (maybe not enough cooling time?). The rest of the day was pretty much a disaster - between lots of limit testing and a delayed nap, we all felt pretty awful before it was all said and done.

Yesterday was a pretty normal day, so I had chalked up the intentional spilling to the excitement of Easter. But this morning it returned - after denying a request for a tuna fish sandwich, first cereal, then fruit, then juice went on the floor. Alex is now at school fairly hungry, and I'm setting out to do some hard thinking about what to do.

I wonder if the source of this new behavior is the culmination of a growing uncertainty about our food "policy." I've thought about why I denied the sandwich request in the first place, and I think it was because the request seemed like part of a larger issue.

As Alex has grown, we have made more food choices available to him. There are generally two or three dry snacks available in the cupboard (goldfish, a granola bar) and two or three perishable snacks on his shelf in the fridge (yogurt, a cheese stick, fruit). Two kinds of cereal are also available for breakfast, although lately Alex has been asking one of us to pour a different kind of cereal for him or has wanted something else altogether for breakfast. Snacking has become an issue, too. We've been fielding requests after dinner, which I don't particularly like. I think it's likely that we're offering too many choices, and it's time to get clear about what the food policy is. So...

Breakfast is self-serve. There are two kinds of cereal, and a glass of orange juice.
On non-school days, there will be a snack available between breakfast and lunch. Self-serve.
Mom makes lunch.
There will be one snack post-nap.
Mom makes dinner.
There is one small Easter treat after dinner. (I could write a whole separate post about treats)
Bedtime snack will be served during Curious George time.

I will try to coolly handle spills - clean up, and no more of that food. What seems tricky here is the difference between intentional and unintentional spills...any thoughts?

We'll see how this works. I'm open to suggestions!

Toilet Learning, Part II

2009-03-24T13:22:00.003-05:00

It's been quite a while now since Alex began using the toilet exclusively, and I've kind of forgotten exactly how it all happened. In my last post, I remember noting that we had to set limits on where pee could go. I think shortly after this, Alex decided he wanted to use the "big" toilet - without the assistance of a seat. He learned to climb up by himself, and I think using the same "material" that we did made a huge difference for him psychologically.

The final piece of the puzzle was #2, and I eventually caught him in the act and helped him onto the toilet. I'm not sure if overcoming his resistance was "Montessori" - I can hear echoes of "follow the child" in my head - but I knew that once he did it once, he would realize it was okay. And he did - one time was pretty much all it took, and he began using the toilet consistently.

We were nervous to take him out of cloth diapers at night, but they were consistently dry when he woke up, so finally we did. To date, he has never had an accident at night.

I imagine toilet learning is different for everyone - it would be great for others to share their stories, successes, and strategies here too.

The next piece for us is generating enough comfort for Alex to go at school - I'm pretty sure he never does.

I'm back!

2009-03-24T08:33:00.003-05:00

Okay, it's been an awfully long time since I've posted. In that time, we've moved, started Alex in Montessori school, and had another baby - Jake, now almost four months old. I'll try to simultaneously get caught up on the major happenings with Alex and keep up with the latest in our family.

I look forward to conversing with all you Montessori parents out there!

Lessons for Twos

2008-03-09T07:33:00.002-05:00

I'm on the lookout for good activities for Alex...to get the ball rolling, I thought I'd share some that we've done recently. Hope others have good ideas!

-Slicing cucumbers
-Sharpening pencils
-Washing hands
-Putting on pants
-Setting the table
-Rolling and unrolling a placemat
-Dusting
-Spreading peanut butter on a tortilla
-Catching balloons
-Shooting baskets
-Drawing with crayons, markers, pens, etc.

-Matching shapes, colors
-Smelling spices
-Finding things in the house that are a particular color
-Using shapes to create patterns
-Puzzles

-Reading books

One of the things I'm finding is that I have trouble sustaining a series of activities - we often do one and then sort of roam about afterward. I wonder what others experience at this age? Do I just not have enough out to do?

Source for Activities

2008-02-24T09:31:00.001-05:00

Here's a great source I found for Montessori activities...you can purchase the albums, take the entire course, or just view the table of contents and go it on your own.

http://www.montessoritraining.net/curriculum_materials/infant_toddler_program.htm

Diapering / Toilet Learning

2008-02-24T09:17:00.002-05:00

So we're reaching that stage where a) diapering is not Alex's favorite thing to do and b) Alex has been showing signs of readiness for toilet learning.

On difficult changes....

One tactic that has worked well for us is to have an audience for diaper changes. My son loves stuffed animals, plastic dinosaurs, the animals from his farm...if he's playing with them at the time, they come with us to watch him get changed. This has worked well for putting on coats, shoes, etc.

Another strategy that seems to work well is letting him choose a place to get changed or choose a book to read while being changed (we change standing up, so I put the book on the closed toilet seat and comment on the pages while I work).

I would rather involve him in the process, but he is just not interested sometimes, so we try to be creative. Sometimes nothing works or I'm not patient enough to try different things, so I scoop him up and just do it.

On toilet learning...

Around 20 months, Alex began to show signs of readiness to use the toilet. I don't quite remember any more what led me to thing he was ready - maybe dry diapers? interest in sitting on his toilet? During changes, I would invite him to go on the toilet and he would do so frequently...in fact, it seemed as though he was holding it in order to go on the toilet (except poop - which is still very much a private, diaper-oriented venture).

When we returned from our holiday travels, we invested in some padded underwear and tried a week diaper-free (except at night). It was great at first...we would regularly invite him to use the toilet and he would go...but then it all turned sour. Alex became very interested in peeing everywhere it was possible to pee. In fact, he got so good at holding and releasing that he could hit seven or eight spots in one go. I know the toilet learning articles suggest calmly involving your child in the cleaning up process, but this was more than I could handle patiently!

So for a while we just went straight back to diapers with occasional invitations to use the toilet (which he refused). Now that some time has passed, we offer an invitation - do you want to pee in the toilet or in your diaper? We remind him that these are the places where we pee. I worry about him feeling ashamed if he makes a mistake, but at the same time think it needs to be clear that these are the (only) places where pee belongs. He now does a mix of peeing in the toilet and in his diaper. Until he shows consistent interest in using the toilet exclusively, I think we'll avoid switching to underwear.

I would love to hear other experiences or tips!

Sleep: Age 2

2008-02-07T08:56:00.000-05:00

Sleep is such a huge issue for parents of young children and has been a hotly contested issue in our household, so I feel compelled to begin a new wave of updates with an update on our sleep situation.

We have now graduated from a crib mattress on the floor to a full mattress, mainly because it is larger and more comfortable and accommodates both an adult and a child. Though the transition was not difficult at all, I wish we had done this from the beginning for our own sakes! Nursing would have been much more comfortable without my feet hanging off the end of the bed!

We have removed the gate from Alex's door. I guess we reached a point where we felt confident he would come find us at night rather than wander, so we decided this was an appropriate way to offer him independence to get what he needed at night (namely, snuggles).

We now have a consistent bedtime routine with a flexible start and "end" point. When Alex shows signs of tiredness, we put on pj's and watch two scenes from the Sound of Music. He brushes teeth, gives kisses, and reads one or two books with us before lights out. Jeff and I have different approaches to what happens from there...he usually sings until Alex is asleep, while I do a soft, guided imagery ("Let's think about when we were in the woods today. We parked the car in the parking lot...") leading to instructions about how to get to sleep ("Now we'll close our eyes and breath slowly..."). I try to guide him about 85% of the way to sleep and then say goodnight and leave the room. It usually works pretty well.

More often than not, Alex comes and finds us at around 2-3am. Usually I notice him climbing into our bed, but I hardly ever wake all the way up. Around 6:15am, he climbs out of bed, tells me "Mama wake up!" and goes out into the kitchen to pour his cereal. Since I still have to get the milk for him (he can't open the fridge), I stumble along a few minutes behind. Thank goodness for automatic coffee makers.

Alex still naps about 2 hours per day, and we don't worry to much about how he gets to sleep for nap. Yesterday, he fell asleep on Jeff's shoulder as Jeff was talking with a contractor about our bathroom! He sleeps in his bed and comes to find us when he wakes up.

What I love about our current system is that we are continuing to gently move toward sleep independence while still getting a full night's sleep. There are no tears and no late-night battles. What I don't love are cold toddler feet and the early morning squirm! But I imagine I'll even miss them when they're gone...

What's This New Interest All About?

2008-01-12T17:29:00.000-05:00

With this post comes a promise to renew my efforts to post regularly. There's lots going on as we approach Alex's second birthday...toilet learning, dressing, sleep, language, preparing food....

But for the moment, I simply have a question for my fellow Montessorians...

One of Alex's new favorite activities (probably THE favorite activity) is "set-ups." He will take a group of plastic animals or trains around the house and line them up in different positions in different locations. Today, for example, he kept lining them up on various tables with all their tails in the same direction or putting them all under the covers of his bed. What is driving this??

A Reward

2007-08-16T17:45:00.000-05:00

For a while now, I have been giving Alex a small glass or lidless cup for his milk rather than a sippy cup or cup with a straw. At times, this has been infuriating as he will get toward the end of a glass, decide he's had enough, and dump the remains on the floor. In my best moods, I help him clean up with a paper towel. In my worst, I groan and order him to "watch out" while I clean up. I have definitely wondered on occasion if it was all worth the trouble.

Today, Alex once again demonstrated extreme interest in the fish in our backyard Koi pond. I remembered that we had some fish food inside and took him in to fill a little ramekin with pellets for the fish. I handed him the container and warned him to "be careful!" My cautions were unnecessary. Despite obstacles in the yard, he carried the container slowly and carefully all the way out to the pond and fed the fish. When I suggested he might want to also feed the ones near the bridge, he climbed down with the half-full dish and carried it over to the bridge. Not a single pellet spilled, and he was completely delighted with every aspect of the process.

I feel certain that if Alex lived with sippy cups and spill-proof dishes, he would never have exhibited the care he demonstrated today, nor would he have accomplished this task so successfully. Maybe all that spilled milk has actually been worth it.

Our Morning Walk

2007-07-05T09:43:00.000-05:00

Lately, Alex and I have been in the habit of taking a morning walk around our neighborhood. We put on our shoes, lock the front door and head out in search of adventure. Alex always manages to find it. This morning, for example, we held hands and crossed the street many times, smelled flowers, climbed up and down a grassy hill, threw rocks, walked on ledges, touched a motor scooter, watched birds, listened to a helicopter, ran, crawled, saw two garbage trucks, climbed up onto a bench, and finally, took off shoes and ran downhill.

On these walks, my goal is to give Alex as much choice and freedom as possible. I often find that I have to fight my urge to "make progress" during times like these. If I had insisted on getting to a particular destination, or going in a particular direction, we would have missed so much! This is not to say that we never take Alex out in the stroller or backpack or even that he doesn't like riding in them. It's just that there are so many times in the day when he doesn't get to choose where to go and what to do that I feel really good about making this a time when he does.

Sleep, Part II

2007-06-25T12:44:00.000-05:00

Since I last posted on sleep, quite a bit of time has passed and much has changed. It's hard for me to clearly delineate the sources of these changes - I'm certain that weaning, maturity, and changes in our parenting techniques surrounding sleep have all brought us to where we are today.

Where are we? Alex is nearly seventeen months now. He still sleeps in a bed - now once a day for a nap (usually 2 hours) and at night for about 9 hours. We are often able to lie down with him in bed, chat or read a story, get up and leave while he's still awake but drowsy, and expect that he'll go to sleep. He still wakes once or twice at night, sometimes getting out of bed and sometimes not, and needs to be patted for a minute or two before going back to sleep.

Throughout the second half of his first year, I struggled with the troubles users of a low bed face. Alex would crawl out unless we stayed in there with him. We tried many things - leaving the room and coming back to put him to bed, staying in the room quietly by his side until he fell asleep, and finally, waiting until he was really tired to put him to sleep. This final option felt the most in harmony with the few things I've read on Montessori and sleep. And perhaps it's because of maturity and weaning, but I feel as though Alex is fairly good at going to sleep on his own if I give him the opportunity when I notice that he's tired.

There are definitely times when I jump the gun. I carry him to bed, lie down for a story, and realize that he's just not there yet. Now perhaps more humble, I simply admit my mistake - "Oh, I guess you weren't ready yet. Would you like to do something else?" Though I used to worry that Alex would "pass the tired point" and spill over into something else, I find that this typically only happens when I attempt to manipulate his sleep patterns - keep him up longer so he'll go to bed at a "normal" time or take him to a stimulating environment when he's due for a nap.

My thanks to Burton White (who recommends this technique in "Raising a Happy, Unspoiled Child") for reinforcing this "follow the child" method.

13 Months: Favorite Activities

2007-04-02T12:20:00.000-05:00

Wow - life has been busy and time is short, but I wanted to share some of Alex's new favorite activities, inspired by Montessori publications, magazines, and philosophies:

-Putting toothpicks into the top of a spice jar / pens into empty bottles with narrow necks
-Putting large poker chips into empty wipes containers/box with a slit in the top
-Shape sorting
-Taking old credit cards/library cards out of a wallet (has yet to learn to put them in!)
-Washing hands in a basin
-Brushing hair
-Putting on sunglasses
-Listening to animal sounds and identifying them on picture cards
-Building block towers
-Playing with nested items (blocks, bowls)
-Sweeping or placing the dustpan right in the middle of my pile while I sweep
-Mopping (or really just swishing the mop around in a bucket of water)
-Talking on a disconnected telephone
-Taking a variety of small balls (ping pong, tennis, rubber, wooden) out of a muffin tin (and sometimes putting them back)
-"Playing" basketball
-Moving objects around with a plastic golf club
-Typing and writing (with crayons, magnetic doodler)
-Feeding our dog, Buster
-Helping with the dishes
-Stirring
-Using a spoon and fork to eat
-Walking up and down hills/over rough surfaces and climbing
-Reading familiar books

Would love to hear what others are doing with children of this age or older!

Sleep: 11 Months

2007-01-20T09:24:00.000-05:00

A recent post to my earlier sleep entry has motivated me to finally put down some thoughts on this subject. I must confess, it is one that I feel I hesitant to write about for many reasons. First, I am often frustrated with the way sleep occurs in our household. Second, I am unsure how well matched my theories and practices regarding sleep are (and I am continually questioning what those theories are). All the same, it may be beneficial both to me and to other parents practicing Montessori to reflect on what's happening.

Unfortunately, Montessori's writings on sleep are limited (unless I'm not looking in the write places). I'll briefly summarize my interpretation of what she has written on the subject: parents too often force their children to sleep for their own benefit. Given the time period in which she's writing, I would guess that this was likely true, but is probably not the biggest problem facing parents today - or at least those who would be reading this blog.

Earlier, I wrote that I believed parents should focus on helping children to become independent in their sleep habits. I still believe this is true. The big question, then, is how do we do this?

The post that prompted me to write this reflection mentioned a very familiar scenario - it's naptime. Or better yet, it's probably beyond naptime. Baby/toddler is fussy, easily frustrated, rubbing eyes, lacking coordination - all the classic signs of tiredness. Yet he just won't settle down long enough to sleep. What to do? The writer then described something we've tried ourselves - put the child in bed, leave the room, return when he's banging on the door and crying, put him back in bed, repeat. And repeat. And repeat.

Perhaps this method would have worked if my husband and I had the stamina to continue it. However, in my mind, something was missing. If it was really in his best interest to take a nap at that time, what would have happened if he had played instead of banging on the door? Weren't we really communicating that we didn't care what he did as long as he didn't come to the door crying?

I guess I've decided that, if I really want to communicate that it's time to sleep, I need to be by his bed. This is in line with my thinking that if he's exhausted and having trouble stopping his body from moving, he may need my help. While I'm there, my goal is to be "removed" - if he's lying down and he's quiet, I don't make eye contact and I try to be a still as possible. Other times, he might need me to pat his back or sing to help him settle in. The really tough times, he'll repeatedly sit up and I'll gently lie him back down and say something like "It's time to rest" or "Your body is tired." Still other times, I'll realize that I have jumped the gun and he really isn't ready to sleep. On the really good nights where we've gone through our bedtime routine or we've hit him at exactly the right moment, I can lay him down and leave the room while he's still awake. There's quite a range.

I feel okay about setting a limit around sleep because I'm careful to only do it when I'm certain that he's very tired or when our needs for sleep and his safety depend on it (like at 2am last night!). I also trust that independence will come with time and that it is fairly normal for him to be able to get himself to sleep some time but not others. Though I know my philosophies and techniques will probably change as time goes on, I feel fairly comfortable with where we are right now and the strategies we've chosen to help all of us meet our needs for sleep.

Update: Language Development

2007-01-11T20:19:00.000-05:00

Recently, I wrote a post about the wooden letters I placed in a basket in Alex's room. Over the past month or so, I have been saying the letter sounds whenever he picked one up and explored it. Very recently, his interactions with the basket of letters changed. Our basket currently contains M, B, and S. Now, when he sees the basket he repeats the sound "muh" "muh" "muh" as he pulls out letters and shows them to me. As he pulls them out, I say the sound of the letter he's holding. I haven't yet noticed a pattern - if he stops when he reaches the "match" or if he is at all purposeful in which letter he chooses to take out - but will keep observing.

Alex has also begun to communicate through signs. So far, he seems to be only signing nouns ("light" "dog" "music" "water"), perhaps with the exception of "all done." He seems so excited to be able to tell us something. Interestingly, his sign for "light" also seems to be a sign for "what is this?" or a sort of go-to sign for anything unknown but interesting. It's an exciting new development and I look forward to seeing what else he will pick up in the coming weeks.

Returning to "Real Life"

2007-01-11T19:51:00.000-05:00

When I was teaching, I found the winter holidays to be a much-needed break from the classroom. Often, they were also an excellent chance to reflect and make plans for the future. This holiday season was very similar for me as a parent. As Alex and I traveled, taking time off from our everyday life, I found myself looking forward with enthusiasm to the opportunity to make some changes upon our return.

First, Christmas refreshed our supply of toys, materials and books. I so appreciated my friends' and relatives' thoughtfulness in choosing gifts for Alex. They seemed to really consider his interests (and perhaps my preferences as well) when they shopped. This has had a very positive impact on our lives; Alex spends long periods of time concentrating on maneuvering beads along wire runners, fitting shapes into various containers, and opening and closing lids. He comes away from the tasks seeming grounded and satisfied, which is great for all of us.

The communication surrounding eating and nursing are still shaky for us, so I also decided to begin making a snack regularly available to Alex at his table between meals. I hoped that, in this way, he can be more independent about satisfying his need to eat. Though we still use a regular cup at meals, I offer him a small rubbermaid waterbottle with a built-in straw for his drinks and place finger foods in a covered dish on a tray to keep snooping dogs at bay. When he shows an interest in the food, I help him into his chair. If he begins to stand or to try to dump food on the floor, I ask "All done?" and remove the tray. Eventually, I hope to add a clean-up procedure that Alex can participate in.

Upon our return, we also reestablished our nighttime routine of spending the last thirty minutes to an hour of the evening in Alex's room with the lights low. Typically, my husband and I alternate every fifteen minutes to give each other a break and to allow Alex a little time with each of us. We have no set agenda during that time except that I will nurse at some point. This seems to work well.

Finally, I created some more space in my life to devote to the things that keep me healthy and happy both physically and mentally. Newly equipped with a jogging stroller, I take Alex out three times a week. I've mentally sketched out a few "fixtures" for each day that give it a sort of rhythm, and I'm committed to keeping the house neat - something that drastically affects my mood. By taking care of my own needs, I feel certain that I'll be better able to attend to those around me.

It seems to me that distance, reflection, and change are vitally important in Montessori and in life in general. I hope that the new routines and mindset that I developed over the break bring our family more harmony, growth, and satisfaction, and I hope that anyone reading this post finds restful breaks from life to do the same!

Developing Language

2006-12-14T10:59:00.000-05:00

One of the events in the first Children's Houses that most fascinated the world was the spontaneous "explosion" into writing and reading. In one of her later books, Montessori talks about the professionals from the field of education who came to visit her and evaluate her method. She goes on to say that when she told them that it had occured almost unintentionally - Montessori had simply created cut-out letters and directed the teacher to tell a child what it was if he showed an interest - they thought she was making fun of them.

But thinking about it, it makes perfect sense. Written words are everwhere, and from the time a child is small, he must recognize their importance in the world around him. Just as he longs to touch and figure out all the things that are important to us - cooking implements, the remote control, the telephone - so too must he long to decipher these written symbols we seem so fond of. In fact, the motivation here must be even more intense because of the sensitive period for language.

Today, Montessori teachers typically use sandpaper letters to create the link between phonemes and their symbolic representations. Once he has a sufficient number of symbols (letters and phonograms) down, the child can begin writing. The part that I love is that the child is allowed to discover that he can also use this knowledge to read - the teacher never mentions reading until the child has spontaneously discovered that he can use symbols to blend sounds and read words.

All of this was floating around in my head when Alex started babbling. Certain sounds seemed to delight him, and perhaps I am jumping the gun, but I was eager to find a way to concretely satisfy this interest. While I was at a craft store one day I saw that they had wooden letters. I picked out his favorites - "B" "S" and "M" - and tucked them in a basket in his room. Now, when he takes a letter out, I say the sound for him and trace the letter with my finger. In addition to hearing the sounds he loves, he's also getting a concrete experience with its symbolic representation.

The more I have been thinking about this idea of giving letters to very young children, the more it makes sense to me. At a time when they are just beginning to learn that all objects have names, why not give them the ones they can actually say? Plus, Alex can also now engage me in a sort of sound game by pulling letters out of his basket. I heard a recent study on NPR that said that children at this age (around 1 year) spend a great deal of time polishing their ability to create sounds by listening to a sound, attempting to recreating it, evaluating their recreation, listening again...and so on. This reinforced for me how vital it is for children to hear words and sounds often at this stage.

I'll definitely post again as our foray into early letter introduction continues. I'm excited to see how Alex will respond to these letters as he comes to understand the link between language and objects (we're definitely getting there - he already signs the word "light" and has a pretty accurate abstract concept of what a light is) and as he encounters text more and more frequently.

Sharing

2006-11-10T10:24:00.000-05:00

There has recently been an interesting dialogue among moms I know about the concept of sharing. Extrapolating from my experience with Montessori, I wanted to attempt to give the thoughts I have formed on the subject:

-Learning to wait is good. In a Montessori classroom, there is generally only one of each material or exercise. Whether or not this is an intended purpose, having only one of each material ensures that children to develop an understanding of what to do when something they want is unavailable. The classroom has its own protocol for communicating availability (when an item is on the shelf, it is available). Learning to delay gratification is valuable, and there are a variety of strategies that can be taught when this opportunity arises (use another material for a while, count to 20, ask politely when the other child will be finished, write your name on the board in a particular spot...). In fact, I recently read a study popularly known as the "Marshmallow Test" that indicated that 4-year-olds who were able to delay gratification at age 4 fared significantly better in high school - academically, socially, and emotionally.

-Concentration is worth protecting. If a child is working intently with a material, forcing him to share it may disrupt whatever he's doing. I definitely believe that a child who is continually disrupted learns not to engage in deep concentration, just as we would become insomniacs if we were continually awoken moments after falling asleep. Allowing the full cycle of activity - engagement, concentration, and disengagement - has tremendous benefits for a child's sense of satisfaction and accomplishment.

-A child will only learn to share when it is truly sharing. The above statements assume a model of sharing where another child's will or the adult's will is imposed on the child with the envied material. In either case, "sharing" on the part of the child is not the act of generosity we generally associate with the term. I genuinely believe (and I think Montessori would agree - she discusses this in relation to adolescents and society) that virtue only comes from experience of its benefits and of the negative feelings associated with vice. When a child chooses to share something, he can own the feelings of happiness he's given to another. And he may, on occasion, need to feel what it is like to reject someone's request for purely selfish reasons. I think we as adults can use these opportunities to make salient the emotions and needs of others, but we need to let children choose, as often as possible, what they wish to do with what they have.

I say this all with the caveat that my thinking only applies to very young children. I haven't yet sorted out my thoughts on children within the second or third plane of development, where rules, negotiation, and social custom play a larger role. I'd love to hear others' thoughts on the matter, or relevant experiences that may help to develop my thinking on this complicated subject or bring me more in line with a Montessori perspective!

Educate for Peace

2006-10-05T06:50:00.000-05:00

It has been a while since I've done a really theory-driven post, so I pulled Education and Peace off the shelf today in search of inspiration. Given the times in which we live, it was not difficult find topical ideas. This one struck me especially:

"Education as it is commonly regarded encourages individuals to go their own way and pursue their own personal interests. Schoolchildren are taught not to help one another, not to prompt their classmates who don't know the answers, but to concern themselves only with getting promoted at the end of the year and to win prizes in competition with fellow pupils. And these poor, selfish little creatures, who experimental pedagogy has proved are mentally exhausted, find themselves in later life like separate grains of sand in the desert; each one isolated from his neighbour, and all of them barren."

In this and other lectures, Montessori goes on to talk about the need for education that examines societal structures and the technology that rules our lives. She argues for an education steeped in the "science of peace" - a proactive, practical approach to unearthing the charitable and kind in each individual and of equipping him to serve humanity, not a particular country and not solely his own interests.

Even though my blog space is virtually unlimited, it would take a great deal of time (and review!) to summarize her approach at each stage. Instead, I will simply point out the sadness I feel in seeing how little has changes since she made these speeches. When I examine current educational policies, I see a system designed to create competitors and to leave the failing behind. The continued emphasis on testing isolates the individual and purports to tell him his worth relative to his peers. Even many parenting books emphasize an atmosphere of conformity and control rather than cooperation and mutual respect.

As a parent and educator, I would like to see our society move toward an education for peace. Where do we even begin? Just as Montessori said, I feel a bit lost in the structures we've created for ourselves. I imagine that, as they do in Montessori classrooms, we begin with the world in mind - as we raise our children, pursue our careers, make choices in our daily lives, and participate in our communities...

Perhaps this world focus can become an ongoing part of my reflections here. Where does it make itself felt in Montessori parenting? I guess we shall see...

Self-Actualization

2006-10-03T06:24:00.000-05:00

After weeks of hard work, Alex is now mobile. This was a huge milestone for the both of us. Clearly, Alex loves his newfound freedom. At the same time, I am seeing now just how well Montessori philosophy and, in particular, its ideas regarding the setup of the environment, support self-actualization.

Alex's ability to move means that he can seek out objects, noises, or areas that interest him. One of his first missions was to crawl over to and scrape at a red sticker attached to a piece of equipment in the living room. He also grinned once he managed to get himself underneath one of the dining room chairs. Crawling also allows him to access his favorite piece of the wooden train set on his shelf - the smokestack. In short, it has made very plain the fact that Alex already has strong preferences.

Having been skeptics of the Montessori bed initially, my husband and I were particularly interested to see how it would work for our family once Alex was crawling. This morning, he called me out of bed at 6 am to come look at Alex. When I rounded the corner of the hallway, there he was sitting at the gate to his room.

In that moment, I loved the bed. He had wanted to get up and come find us and had been able to do a part of that work himself. The low bed, then, has two purposes in my mind: it helps Alex to better communicate with us (as when he rolls out when he is not ready to go to sleep) and allows him to do the work of getting up himself. I'm still waiting for the day when he communicates his readiness to sleep by crawling on to the bed; perhaps that's a little much to hope for!

I can see already that this is by no means the end. Rather than rest on his laurels, Alex is already working to stand. It will be exciting to see what new parts of his selfhood emerge when that victory is accomplished!

Observations

2006-09-19T17:53:00.000-05:00

Because Montessori education aims to provide for the unique developmental needs of each child as they emerge, Montessori teachers spend a great deal of their time observing children. In my training, my instructors would often demonstrate the link between observation and the provision of lessons. A child who stood by the coat rack touching the different fabrics might be given the fabric boxes or encouraged to work with the sandpaper letters. One little girl who was lining up the bells on their squares might have been interested in a game with the geometry cabinet.

As a Montessori parent, I have been trying to observe changes or developments in Alex's play. Now that we are a couple of weeks past his seven month birthday, quite a few have emerged. Unfortunately, I'm having trouble thinking of ways to better serve these interests. I wonder what teachers do in the Assistance to Infancy classrooms? What about experienced parents?

Lately, Alex is very interested in opening and closing books or turning over objects whose sides are different. I wonder if this relates to object permanence. Is he fascinated by the fact that the inside/other side still exists when he cannot see it?

Alex has also become interested in using pincer grip. We've started on finger foods and I'm working hard to keep carpet pills away from his eager fingers! However, other than food, it seems that there are very few opportunities for him to use this developing skill until he understands that he cannot eat everything small enough to put in his mouth. Puzzles with small knobs might serve this need. Is there anything else?

Alex is also now interested in putting objects into relationship with one another. He will often pick up two things at a time and touch them together. The other day, he worked to set one block on top of another that was sitting on the ground in front of him.

Movement is huge in our house right now. Alex spends much of the day going from sitting, to his stomach, to his back, and over again. He scoots fairly well; we often find ourselves saying, "How in the world did you get over there?" This work is sometimes frustrating for him though. How can we help without getting in the way?

These are the latest needs I'm working to serve. I welcome suggestions that may help me to do so effectively!

The Spoon

2006-09-03T07:20:00.000-05:00

It's a chilly Sunday morning and Alex and I are the only ones up. He sits happily on the kitchen floor while I measure the coffee and put away dishes. As I prepare my breakfast, I wonder, "Should I offer Alex something?" Deciding yes, I gather his bowl and spoon and mix a little cereal and applesauce.

We sit together at the table and I load up the little Gerber spoon with a decent-sized blob of cereal. It travels toward Alex's mouth and the left hand rises to meet it. "That's fine," I think as he grabs the handle, "we're almost there...if we can just...." But then it happens. Out of nowhere, the right hand swoops in and wraps itself squarely around the bowl of the spoon. Cereal oozes out from between his fingers just inches from his mouth. I utter an audible sigh.

This morning, Alex is not very interested in his cereal. In fact, after one or two unsuccessful bites, I end up rinsing out the bowl into the sink. I'm not sure that this is unfavorable compared to the alternative. When he is interested, the bowl empties, but at least half of it is spread over face, hands, highchair and clothes.

When I am frustrated by these two alternatives, I ask myself what I really want. Do I wish he would just sit there docilly while I shovel spoonful after spoonful into his open, waiting mouth? Though this would certainly be convenient in the moment, I would have no idea how long to keep at it. Would I eventually override the healthy feeding habits that demand breastfeeding has built in that he would eat until I said he was done or eat because it was mealtime instead of eating when he was hungry and stopping when he was full? Furthermore, would I be diminishing his motivation to do what I hope he will do one day soon - feed himself?

In the long run, then, I think I need to stop worrying about mess or waste and just enjoy Alex's spoon adventures knowing that eventually, these will help him to become a healthy, happy and independent eater.

Basket of Treasures

2006-08-21T12:43:00.000-05:00

The other day, I read an article on Montessori Magazine's website (see link) advocating the creation of a "Basket of Treasures" for babies. The premise behind the idea was that household objects are far more fascinating to babies than most toys; not only do such objects have greater variety in their textures, smells, shapes, sounds, and colors, but they also are objects that babies see adults using in their environment.

The author of the article suggests walking around your house with a basket collecting a variety of objects with an eye toward including various materials of different properties, colors, shapes, weights, sounds, smells, and so on. For older babies, these might include objects that can be put into relationship with one another, such as jars and clothespins.

That same day, I gathered together a basket for Alex. Here are the items I included:

-drink holder -small ceramic bowl -plastic CD case -large straw
-hairbrush -wine topper -bottle brush -large washers
-coaster -garlic press -metal tongs -empty bottle
-jar with golf ball -spice jar with basil -coat hook -baby socks
-pastry bag top -small cutting board

I plopped Alex down next to it after a nap and feeding. At first, he was fascinated with the basket itself. He pulled its handles and untied the cloth interior. Eventually, he discovered that he could take objects out of the basket. He began exploring them one at a time, dropping them to the side when he was finished. Occasionally, one on the mat beside him would catch his eye and he'd give it another go.

On our first go-round with this new activity, Alex entertained himself for the better part of an hour (minus a break for a snack and help back into an upright position). What a great new item to put in our arsenal of daily activities!

Montessori Lessons at Home, Part I

2006-08-16T08:50:00.000-05:00

Though we haven't yet prepared any real lessons for Alex, a friend with an older baby asked how Montessori might be implemented in the home. What follows is a basic overview of the Montessori method for delivering an individual lesson.

Montessori made two discoveries in her early work with children that translated into a method for delivering "lessons." First, she realized that adult materials were not suitable for children. She was a pioneer in the development of child-sized furniture, tools, and materials. Fortunately, today, these are fairly easy to obtain. For a great resource in this respect, check out http://michaelolaf.com or http://www.forsmallhands.com.

Montessori's other discovery was that adults do not often take the time to slowly and carefully present movements or activities to children. Therefore, her presentations took on a very deliberate, explicit nature that she called "using analyzed movements."

Thus, in essence, a "Montessori lesson" that might be implemented in the home involves demonstrating a task using analyzed movements and appropriate, child-sized materials. (It seems important to note here that these are not the only types of lessons given in a Montessori classroom, but that these are probably the most appropriate to life in the home)

Preparation

To prepare an activity, then, you would first want to gather and arrange all the materials a child will need to complete that activity. To help a child know which items belong to a single activity, you might color-coordinate them or put them all on one tray. Think about where this activity will be kept in the home so that a child can get it himself and put it away when he's finished.

Example: For banana slicing, I might put together a tray with an underlay, a small cutting board, a plate, a knife, a paper towel for waste, toothpicks to insert into the slices, and a sponge for cleaning. The tray might sit on a shelf in the kitchen, and the child would know it was available for use if there was a banana on the plate.

Once you have all your materials, practice your presentation on your own. You'll want to think about each discrete step of the activity and use slow, precise movements. You may discover that a given movement we adults do with ease is too difficult (for example, turning over a bottle cap in one hand). You'll also discover that there are a million choices to consider. Make sure you have your presentation down before you give it to the child, because once her mental camera is rolling, it is very difficult to rewind and "erase" mistakes or make changes to the way you want something done.

Example: When she sits down with the tray, where do I want her to put the cutting board? How will she handle the initial peeling? What will she do with the peel when she's done? How should she hold the knife? Where should the knife go when she's done slicing? Should she clean up before or after eating the snack?

Note: The purpose of perfecting a presentation isn't so that the child will copy you exactly or demonstrate perfection herself; it is so that she gets a very clear, hesitation-free demonstration of one way to accomplish a particular task.

Presentation

Engagement:

-A parent might approach her child when he's not busy and say something like "Alex, I have something I'd like to show you. Come with me to the [place where the activity is]."
-When they get to the shelf/place where the activity "lives," the parent might say "This is banana slicing. You can carry the tray like this (demonstrates lifting the tray and putting it back). Let's take it to your table (allows the child to lift and carry it to the table)."

Work:

-The parent might sit beside the child to his right (if right-handed) on a low stool. She might begin by saying "Let me show you what we do with this." From this point forward with a young child, there will be little or no talking, as she wants the child to focus on her hands, not her mouth.
-The parent will give the entire sequence of the presentation (which hopefully will be short for a young child). For banana slicing, this might involve setting out each of the items on the tray in a particular arrangement on the table, lifting the banana onto the cutting board, lifting the knife, demonstrating how to correctly position one hand on the knife and one hand on the banana, slicing the top of the peel, carefully setting down the knife, peeling the banana, placing the peel on the paper towel, picking up the knife and again demonstrating hand position, slowly and carefully demonstrating cutting, setting down the knife, demonstrating toothpicking banana slices and putting them on a plate, folding the paper towel and throwing away the peel, wetting the sponge and wiping off the cutting board and knife, and setting the plate of bananas on a serving table.
-The parent would then get the necessary materials (banana, plate and paper towel in this case) to set everything up on the tray for the child to do and say "Now you can slice a banana."
-As the child gets going, the parent should slowly and unobtrusively get up from the stool, leave the child to his work, but remain close by to observe. This is important because there's a temptation for the child to ask for help if you're right there or for you to correct or get involved unnecessarily. If you are a little ways away, the child is independent, but can seek you if he really gets stuck. Note that if a child finds a "creative" way of accomplishing the same task you just demonstrated, this is fine as long as it is safe and within the bounds of appropriate use of the materials (i.e. You might stop him from waving a knife around, but you might not stop him from slicing before peeling and peeling each individual piece afterward.)
-If the cycle of activity is something that can be repeated, you can encourage this repetition after one cycle or at the transfer point by saying something like "You can wash the table as many times as you want."

Putting Away:
-When you recognize that the child is finished, swoop back in and ask "Are you finished?" If there is more to putting away than you've demonstrated already, say "Let me show you what we do next" and demonstrate. Otherwise, you might simply say, "Do you remember where this goes on the shelf?"
-Once it's all done, you might say "Now you can slice a banana whenever you want/whenever you see one on the tray."

Corrections and Representations

If there were things that didn't go perfectly during the child's first attempt, you can give "points of interest" during later attempts or even ask for a turn to re-demonstrate something. This is always done without drawing attention to "mistakes." You might say, "I wonder if you could do that without spilling any water on the floor?" as a sort of challenge or you could say, "Could I take a turn?"

If you get into a presentation and realize you weren't as prepared as you thought or you are missing something, it's perfectly okay to say to stop, let the child know you are not ready, and suggest that you do it together later.

Sleep

2006-08-14T07:38:00.000-05:00

A few nights ago, my husband and I left Alex with a babysitter to go out to dinner for our anniversary. It was the first time we had left him with anyone for quite some time, and as we drove to the restaurant I worried about whether or not she would be able to get him to sleep. Though we had gotten Alex to take a bottle early on, we had not done so in quite some time and Alex usually nursed to sleep.

This worry prompted me to think about a larger concern; was Alex developing sleep "problems"? Though he generally sleeps a solid 10-hour stretch at night and takes several naps a day, I began to wonder about some of our techniques. Was nursing him to sleep making him dependent on me? What about my responses to Alex's occasional late-night feeding demands and our habit of pulling him into bed with us if he woke up early? Were these creating problems as well?

Sleep is clearly a huge issue for parents of young children. It is almost always a topic of conversation among the parents I know. "How is today going?" is often followed by a report that includes the previous night's sleep and the length of today's nap. Friends, relatives, and even strangers ask us whether or not Alex is a "good" sleeper, and I have even caught myself walking into Alex's room after a long nap and saying "What a good nap you took!"

This all makes me wonder where the normative aspects of sleep came from and whether or not I should be buying into them. Are we concerned about babies' sleep habits because of concerns for their health and happiness or because it is convenient for us?

The answer, I am sure, is a mix of both. Just looking at our own family, there are clearly times when Alex is fussy or sick and has trouble getting himself to sleep. These are the times when I help him get to sleep because I think he needs it, and the times when I pray for a long nap for his sake. More often, though, I find myself wishing for a long nap so that I can enjoy time to myself or I realize that I'm trying to put Alex to bed because "it's about that time" when he is clearly content to continue playing or just needs a change of scenery.

In one of her earliest books on education and parenting, The Secret of Childhood, Montessori chastizes parents who put their children to bed for their own convenience. She cites this as one of the many examples of parents thwarting their child's developmental needs to serve their own ends. While I truly believe that parents have, in general, become much more sensitive to their children's needs, I also believe that her admonishment stills bears weight today. At times, I do see sleep as a vehicle to meeting my needs, and this more often than not creates frustration for us both.

What, then, is the alternative? In her writings, Montessori clearly states that the child becomes "normalized" through appropriate, meaningful work. Unfortunately, many of the terms in this phrase have become so laden with negative connotations that it is easy to quickly reject it without understanding its genius. Montessori means that, if we provide for a child's emerging developmental needs, most problems will disappear.

Thinking about Alex and sleep, I find this to be generally true. If I provide for his physical and developmental needs between naps - feed him when he's hungry, offer diverse activities, and provide sufficient stimulation - he will generally "tell" me that he's tired and go down for a nap quite easily. We've taken the "Montessori" approach to room arrangement and have given Alex a low bed in a child-proof room. Hopefully, then, once he is mobile he will be able to tell us he's tired by going to his bed, and will be able to entertain himself once he wakes up. The room has already had its perks for solving the "parent need" aspect of sleep problems - I feel comfortable leaving him there for short period while I throw in laundry or grab something to eat.

Still, there are times, as with the babysitting experience, when sleep doesn't come easily and I wonder about the best approach. Recently, I perused a host of Feberian "cry it out" websites and sites on the other end of the spectrum to get some ideas on how to handle those middle-of-the-night wails or to see if nursing Alex to sleep is "ruining" him. The answers aren't clear, but I think Montessori would agree with the Feberians that we need to assist children in getting to sleep independently and she would agree with anti-Feberians that allowing a child to scream endlessly in the dark does not serve his needs.

In a recent rereading of What Every Parent Should Know, a long-held Montessori concept jumped out at me as a guide to handling sleep questions. In short, she says we must "help the child to do it himself." Lately, I've focused on giving only that help which is necessary for Alex to get himself to sleep. This is where the parent role as observer and interpreter comes into play. Is that cry insistent, or is it just a fussing that he can work through on his own? Is he truly tired at this moment, or does he just need a change of activity? Is trying to fall asleep in a strange place with a strange person too much for him to handle at this age?

Unfortunately, this conclusion isn't a "simple sleep solution" and there is certainly room for error. However, I find that it makes the most sense to me as a parent. Alex knows what he needs, and we can work with him to promote his independent fulfillment of those needs. Still, we're human, and there will be times when we misinterpret his behavior or attempts at communication and there will be times when we do what is self-serving. Neither of these things will ruin him. In fact, I feel pretty confident that, in the long run, our efforts to focus on Alex's needs and to assist him in becoming an independent sleeper will work out best for the whole family.

Concentration

2006-08-07T20:00:00.000-05:00

In a Montessori classroom, concentration is absolutely sacred. It is a sign of complete, fulfilling engagement with an activity and a teacher's duty is to protect it at all costs. In very early childhood, then, this responsibility seems naturally to fall upon the parent.

After our first discussion of concentration in my Montessori training, I began to notice how little we respect this sign of engagement in everyday life. I caught myself regularly interrupting my husband, my students, and my colleagues in spite of the clear signs they gave that they were focused and intent on accomplishing something else - the fixed gaze, the lack of extraneous movement, the quiet dedication to the task at hand. I also began to notice how I felt during those moments when I was interrupted. None of the words I would use - irritated, frustrated, distracted - are pleasant.

However, as an adult, I was generally able to handle the distraction and pick up where I had left off. This can be much more difficult to a young child who is just learning to focus his attention. Even well-meaning interruptions, such as praise, can be detrimental to this developing skill. What does he learn when we constantly interrupt? He learns that engaging with an activity will only result in frustration, because as soon as you get hooked, someone will come along and scoop you up or distract you.

From the time Alex was born, I have worked hard to recognize and protect his moments of concentration. It is a challenge, and one I have probably failed at a million times. It is so easy as the adult to put my priorities first. If he is working with a toy or staring at picture and I want to go to the store, I could so easily pull him away from what he is doing. Yet concentration indicates that what he is doing is exactly what his developing body or psyche needs at that moment.

Protecting concentration does even more than assist the child in his development; it demonstrates respect. It tells him that his work and his interests are important. Even beyond that, it signifies that I recognize his needs as equal to my own. Thus, whenever I see those little eyes locked in and sense that quiet determination, I pause, watch, and marvel.

Sensitive Period for Order

2006-07-29T07:41:00.000-05:00

Months 0-6

To finish up the discussion of sensitive periods, I will turn to the fourth period that Montessori identified in the young child. It is the sensitive period for order. This, to me, is one of the more fascinating. It is a strong part of the human tendency to orient oneself to one's environment, assists with the creation of abstractions, and runs contrary to many of our assumptions about children. (A child, orderly?)

In her various writings about development, society and education, Montessori tells a number of anecdotes in which children become extremely distressed and the adult cannot figure out why. In one, it is because a mother is carrying her coat on her arm instead of wearing it. In another, it is because someone has opened an umbrella inside the house. When she was observing the children in her first Casa de Bambini, Montessori questioned some children who were carefully moving and rearranging a table. They told her that it had formerly been in a spot right under the lamp and had been moved, so they were trying to put it back in its original position.

Montessori concluded that order must be essential to the child. If we think about it, it makes perfect sense. The child has come into a totally alien world and must orient himself to every aspect of it. He is working to understand the rules and categories that will help him make sense of it all. Routines, a neatly organized environment, boundaries, consistency - these provide both security and a basis for understanding.

I was so grateful to know about this need for order before Alex arrived. It enabled me to think carefully about his room arrangement so that it could be a stable, comforting environment for him right from the start. A few short months later, I was surprised at just how stable he wanted that environment to be.

Before he was born, I had placed a couple of photographs on the wall beside his bed. In his early weeks, these became a favorite focal point of his and we noticed that when he was tired of being handled, he enjoyed lying in his bed staring at these pictures. One day, I thought to myself that he might like some variety, so I added another picture to the wall. That day, when I placed him in his bed, he fussed and fussed. I noticed that his gaze was directed at the new picture. Hmm, I thought to myself, maybe I have thrown his world into a tailspin by adding this new element to a formerly predicatable and comforting place. I began to imagine myself in his position - waking up and suddenly noticing this new, bright picture where it had never been before. I removed the picture and the fussing stopped. It was amazing.

This episode reminded me to be sensitive to Alex's need for order. This doesn't mean that routines or layouts or ways of doing things can't ever change, but it does mean that change should be carefully considered and carefully done, and that its after-effects should be observed. Now, when I change something about his room, I try to make sure that he's present. We are working to establish a bedtime routine that can be done anywhere so that he'll have consistency even when we travel. I try not to introduce him to new toys or environments when he's tired and less able to handle change.

It will be interesting to see how this need manifests itself in the coming months. As he begins to learn the "rules" of our world, I wonder how he will handle aberrations from the norm. Will routines help him when we must stay in unfamiliar places? We shall see!

Sensitive Period for Sensory Perception

2006-07-28T07:23:00.000-05:00

Months 0-6

It started a few weeks ago. First, there was the scratching of little fingers on every surface. Then, there was a keen interest in watching the dog move around the house or a ceiling fan twirl in its orbit. Next, it was locating voices, putting everything in the mouth, and freezing to listen to changes in music. These were the signs that made it clear to me that Alex was coming alive to the world of sensory information.

The attention to sensory development in the Montessori classroom has perhaps the most beautiful reason behind it. True, the development of sensory perception contributes to later reading and it becomes the foundation of later abstractions, but its main purpose is to give the child the "keys to the world" so that he can enjoy and appreciate all the rich sensorial experiences available to him.

Having noted Alex's interest in new sights, smells, sounds, textures, and materials, we have already begun this exploration together. My husband and I put on different types of music for him more often now and we give him things to play with that have different visual properties, apparent or real temperatures, colors, and textures. When Alex and I go out into the garden or on a walk, I break off bits of different herbs for him to smell or put him near to flowers and plants so that he can touch and examine them. We take him to new places often and read books with vibrant colors, interesting photographs, or varying meter.

Alex has not yet seemed prepared for an exploration of tastes, though I appreciated it when someone I know defined early eating experiences in just this way. "It's not about feeding, it's about tasting," she said. To think of it this way has helped me not to rush, but to offer foods and let Alex take the lead in tasting and "asking" for more.

One of the greatest things about Alex's awakening senses is that mine have come alive again, too. Seeing the world through him has made me notice what I normally would ignore or miss. His appreciation for all that is around him is yet another gift to me as a parent, and one for which I am truly grateful.

Sensitive Period for Language

2006-07-27T06:04:00.000-05:00

I doubt anyone needs Montessori to tell them that children have a sensitivity to language between birth and age 5 (more like 6) - their "explosion" into spoken language is probably enough to indicate that this is a major developmental interest at this age. Even before they reach the stage of picking up on every little word (even the ones we don't want them to know!), babies have a fascination with the sound of human language.

In the first six months of life, we have already seen Alex progressing in his language development. Not too long after birth, one of his favorite activities during quiet, alert times was to watch the mouth of a person speaking to him. So we did. My husband went a little nuts with it by reading him Proust and legal articles, while I tended to stick to Goodnight Moon and general conversation. The truth is, it probably didn't matter. What was fascinating to him was not the content of our speech, but the sounds we were making.

After storing up a sufficient number of sounds, Alex began practicing so that he could join us. At times, this was independent work. We could hear him in his room in the morning just after waking up running through the range of tones and volume he could manage. Other times, he wanted to participate in conversation. We imitated his sounds back to him and he was delighted to have others speak his language.

Now, Alex is beginning to practice particular sounds that he hears. I recently heard a study on NPR that discussed the two areas of the brain at work in speech development. Apparently, there will be a repetitive cycle that will enable him to perfect sounds - he'll hear a sound in his environment, attempt to make it, hear that sound and determine whether or not it is close to a sound in our language, try again, compare, try again, and so on. Doing this, he'll eventually develop the range of sounds we use to speak English. Who knew it was so complex?

However, that's the beauty of the sensitive period. It's not complex for him - he's driven to do it and his brain is primed for it. As long as he gets all the sounds he needs from us at this stage, it won't be laborious or difficult. In fact, it might be fun! I wonder if his first word will have something to do with the constitution?

Sensitive Period for Movement

2006-07-24T15:56:00.000-05:00

Birth to Six Months

Borrowing the concept from Hugo de Vries, a genetecist, Montessori identified four "sensitve periods" in humans. These are periods of heightened sensitivity in, and, subsequently, learning in particular areas of the brain. These areas include movement, sensory perception, language, and order. Neuroscience now bears this out; children do undergo significant growth and pruning of neurons in particular areas of the brain between birth and age five. How critical, then, is it for us to provide an environment rich in opportunities and appropriate stimuli!

Montessori saw the sensitive period for movement lasting from birth to about age four, with gross motor coordination as its initial area of perfection and refinement of the movements of the hand as one of its last and most important conquests. In between, the child develops manual dexterity and hand-eye coordination.

Even before he was born, Alex loved to move. Between his regular kickboxing practices, hiccups, and startle reflexes, it felt like there was always something happening in Alex's world. To capitalize on this sensitive period in the early months after he was born, we simply provided Alex with space and the opportunity to move in different positions. He was never one to be swaddled or cuddled, preferring instead to spread out. His floor bed allowed for freedom of movement on his back, and we placed him in front of a mirror for "tummy time" each day. He also spent a significant amount of time sitting on laps or riding around in our Baby Bjorn.

To develop hand-eye coordination, we kept a mobile above his bed and a batting toy on his car seat and bouncy chair. Eventually, we began to wonder if those accidental swattings were really an accident. Around the same time that we were sure he was reaching with the intention of grasping, he began showing an interest in sitting up on his own. We were delighted to help him practice his new skill and he took great pleasure in it.

Sitting up allowed him to really free up his hands and work with objects. We began doing short periods of daily "seated work" with the toys on his shelf. Soon, I hope he will be able to join me at a table in the kitchen scrubbing potatoes or slicing apples!

Follow the Child

2006-07-23T19:00:00.000-05:00

Bringing Alex home from the hospital was both terrifying and thrilling. We had just spent two hours in our hospital room trying to soothe our screaming newborn. I hadn't slept the entire night before, and breastfeeding was not going well in spite of the advice of well-meaning nurses and hospital lactation consultants. We strapped him into his car seat once he was finally settled, got into the car, and took Alex home.

The entire world had changed while we were gone. Drivers swerved wildly on the roads, stoplights were interminably long, and the cold winter wind was much harsher than we remembered. We were beginning to see everything through a double-lens - that of our newborn child responding to a unfamiliar world and that of parents who were transporting the most precious cargo ever. The world was harsh and our task of protecting him from it monumental; we were overwhelmed.

My only comfort on that day, aside from the friends and family that offered their support, was my faith in the three words that could probably most accurate sum up Montessori philosophy - "Follow the child." We could take our cues from Alex; he would let us know what he needed. The only real challenge, then, would be in interpreting his demands. Fortunately, there were a limited range of options for what those demands might be.

Pediatricians and child development specialists are just now beginning to urge parents to do what Montessori knew was essential so long ago. Handouts from the lactation consultant encouraged us to "nurse on demand" and all of the websites and child development books told us that we should respond when our baby cried. "You cannot spoil an infant," they said. "Crying is communication," another pointed out. I like "follow the child" best.

That night and the following days, we fed Alex when he was hungry and slept when he slept. We enjoyed face-to-face time during the brief periods when he was active, and took him on tours of the house during his more alert, quiet times. When he wasn't satisfied after nursings, we sought help from our pediatrician's office and got our breastfeeding back on track.

This isn't to say that we abandoned our own needs altogether. "Follow the child" doesn't mean "sacrifice everything for your child" or "do everything the way your child wants it done." We helped Alex learn to sleep at night by keeping the lights off during feedings and remaining quiet. He spent time alone each day and braved the February chill with us for walks. In short, he took his place as a member of our family and we welcomed him by responding to his needs as well as making him a part of our lives.

Unlike "you cannot spoil an infant" or "crying is communication," "follow the child" is a positive philosophy that extends far beyond the first year of life. Though his needs will change, our roles as interpreters and providers will not. Whether he exhibits a need for freedom or limits, stimulation or repose, encouragement or compassion, we will do our best to deliver.

Independence

2006-07-21T14:24:00.000-05:00

Before studying Montessori, I had always imagined that birth must be both a grueling process and a joyous event. Never once, in picturing the hours of excrutiating labor and the supremely divine moment of greeting the pink, wriggling, long-awaited child, did I think of this event as a conquest. But, in fact, it can surely be thought of that way; birth is a child's first conquest of independence.

Thinking of birth as a conquest of independence sets the stage for all of parenting. From that moment on, it is a process of letting go as a child becomes more and more able to depend upon himself. He learns to breath on his own; to feed himself; to sit, crawl, stand, and walk; to care for himself and his environment; to make choices; and to negotiate social groups and navigate the world at large and of information. Eventually, he chooses a path for himself and follows it - out of the home and into the world, on his own.

Perhaps our most important roles as parents, then, is to support and celebrate these conquests. There's no doubt that we do. Who couldn't help but feel enthusiasm for a baby's first steps or proud when a daughter heads off for her first job? At the same time, I think we have a hard time letting go. There's something bittersweet about the child who forgets to turn to wave when he gets on the bus - he is eager and ready for what lies ahead, but has forgotton, at least in that moment, the parent watching him go.

If she were here today, Montessori would be shocked at how little room we create in our lives for the development of independence in our children. A part of this is for our own convenience. The other day, I witnessed a mother pull and tug her child's jacket on as he stood there, unmoving and seemingly helpless. I feel certain he could have done it himself, but probably much more slowly than time allowed at that moment.

Another part of this is a (misguided) effort to be a good parent. We make their lunches or pick up after them or carry their belongings for them because we think they don't want to or shouldn't have to. However, the smile I've seen on the face of a three-year-old eating an apple he sliced himself gives me reason to believe otherwise. I also recall that spaghettios tasted a heck of a lot better the day my aunt taught me how to cook them myself.

I fear that the fact that we so seldom see children doing things for themselves has led us to believe that they cannot. We think they haven't the attention span or the memory to complete a detailed task. I was certainly astounded when I first saw a child of 3 or 4 wash, dry, and wax a table in a Montessori classroom or spend an hour spelling out words on a rug. They are so much more capable than we give them credit for being.

So Alex's birth was his first great conquest. How will we as parents meet the others? I hope we will have faith that he is capable and will communicate that to him through our actions. I hope that we will have the patience to demonstrate skills slowly and repeatedly and then - most importantly -patience to let him practice (and make a mess) as he perfects them. If I continually remind myself that, through his accomplishments, he will develop a sense of pride and self-worth, I feel certain that we will not hold him back.

Why Montessori?

2006-07-17T11:43:00.000-05:00

The first time I walked into a Montessori primary (prekindergarten) classroom, I was astonished. Picture twenty-five 3-, 4-, and 5-year-olds in one room with two adults. Chaos, right? Yet this room was the picture of harmony. Three or four quiet voices could be heard as children busied themselves with self-selected activities and tasks at various tables and rugs throughout the room. These activities could be found on neatly-arranged wood shelves that divided up the classroom into workspaces. The adults blended into the the surroundings and were by no means the central focus; occasionally, one would pop up from a table where she was demonstrating a technique or taking notes.

Around the time I sat down to observe in an out-of-the-way corner, a redheaded youngster of about four decided to serve bananas. I watched as he unrolled a mat over the surface of a nearby desk, then walked back and carefully lifted the tray designated for banana slicing - a plate, a banana, a knife, a paper towel, toothpicks - all neatly arranged on top of it. He put on an apron and sat down to his task. While I marvelled, not even realizing that peeling, slicing, "toothpicking," and serving were developing his understanding of sequencing and his motor abilities, the child worked without interruption or break until he had a plate full of appetizer-like banana chunks. He stood with a smile and walked around the classroom, inviting other children to take one. When they did, he beamed with pride, but the polite "no thank you" from other children did not seem to faze him.

If this visit alone was not enough to convince me, my study of Montessori theory, my work as a teacher and graduate student in the field of education, and my everyday life experiences certainly did. Perhaps I'm an idealist, but it seems to me that the world we live in needs an educational system that is focused on more than reading scores and grade point averages. An "educated citizenry" does more than read, write and apply math formulas to data. It thinks critically about current world issues. And though I know many might argue against this, but a good school teaches not only academics, but tolerance, a sense of justice, compassion, self-direction, and the myriad of other personal characterstics that contribute to successful participation in our diverse, complex world.

I chose Montessori because it believes - not even that schools can impart these characteristics - but that they are a natural part of human development. Even a utilitarian might agree with this. Compassion, self-direction, a sense of justice - these qualities help a person successfully navigate human society. I chose Montessori because I agree with the Montessori and many other educational philosophers like Kohn that rewards and punishments are an external, arbitrary, and unnecessary imposition on the educational process. I chose it because every time I read a fellow Montessorian's writing or return to Montessori's books, I find myself saying, "Yes. I wholeheartedly agree."

I feel fortunate to have found a philosophy that so completely matches my own at such a young age. It has enabled me to study it in-depth, reflect upon it and test it against the teachings and preachings of other writers, and apply it to my life. I am even more fortunate in that I can apply its teachings and principles to the unfolding life of my son. This is the focus of my blog - what it means to raise a Montessori child, how I have transformed her philosophies into everyday life practices, and what has resulted from my endeavors.

Who was Maria Montessori?

2006-07-16T11:13:00.000-05:00

In her lifetime, Maria Montessori came to believe that the development of the child was the key to social progress. She thought that if we could support the natural path of his development, he would reach what Maslow called "self-actualization." In her books and speeches, she emphasized a direct link between education and societal progress, peace, and prosperity.

Born in Italy in 1870, Maria Montessori defied traditional roles at an early age. At age 13, she attended a boys' technical school and later went on to be the first woman to study medicine in Rome. Finding it difficult to practice even upon graduating at the top of her class, Maria accepted a position working with children in a psychiatric clinic. Feeling a great sense of compassion for these children - who had no toys and were not educated - she began what was to be a long career as researcher. She discovered, much to the surprise of those around her, that these children were very capable learners. In fact, after her work with them, they scored as well as many "normal" children on Italian standardized tests.

Her work at the asylum prompted her to return to Rome to study psychology and philosophy. She was made a professor of anthropology at the University of Rome, but later left this position and her medical practice to assist and observe sixty children in the San Lorenzo district of Rome.

There, she discovered what became the foundation of her system of education: Children teach themselves. She offered them a variety of materials, gave lessons, and observed. The results were astonishing; these young children, most ages 2-5, formed a settled and productive community, learned to read and write with ease and delight, and enjoyed many of the tasks that adults dread - cleaning their environment, gardening, cooking, sewing.

Montessori's work became well-known across the globe. Alexander Graham Bell and his wife founded the Montessori Education Association here in the States and her "glass house" schoolroom at the Panama-Pacific International Exhibition in San Francisco attracted world-wide attention. She was invited to open a research institute in Spain, and in 1919 she began a series of teacher training courses in London. She later became the inspector of schools in Italy, but left the post because of her opposition to Mussolini's fascism. She was nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize three times - in 1949, 1950, and 1951.

When Montessori died, she left behind the Association Montessori Internationale, an organization dedicated to continuing her work. She also left a significant impact on the world of education and philosophy. For all those who believe that learning need not be drudgery, that the child can be his own teacher, and that education can and should be a vehicle for social change and self-fulfillment, Maria Montessori has given a significant starting-place for the actualization of these beliefs.